I am humored that the term “thirsty” has taken on a negative narrative. I’m sure you know it…to be thirsty is to be desperate [for a man], so the new narrative goes. So, as a woman in my mid-thirties, I often want to avoid the topic of marriage and my future husband because in no way do I want to appear thirsty. But, as I began to think about it, I can see how all Christians face a dichotomy of thirst; a sort of decision we will have to make when two types of thirsts appeal to us.
Truth is, I am thirsty – I said it. I want to re-define thirst as it appears in Webster for the sake of this conversation. Thirsty: feeling a strong desire or need for something. There is a real desire to be married, but this desire also competes with my desire for God. There is a real competition for my time, thoughts, and affection to be given in greater capacity to one more than the other. There’s the dichotomy. There’s always something demanding more of us and competing with God’s position of first place in our heart. It may be a relationship, idea of success, or the pursuit of money.
Below is a poem I wrote as I wrestled with the reality that my future husband’s love for me will also be something I must place on the alter before God. There’s no space for idols. Can I love both God and my [future] husband as they deserve? Will my love for my husband cause me to become negligent in some way in my love for Christ?
Dichotomy of Thirst
How can I thirst for you and for Him simultaneously?
Simultaneously longing for the love of a man and the eternal love of the God man, Jesus.
Can there be two possessor’s of my heart or will one of the suitors be left in the dark?
Seemingly unrealistic to think my heart can contain all of the love from both of you.
A pursuit so relentless that I must relinquish all of me.
To be discovered, covered, and chosen by one who is bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh.
To be known so deeply that even the hairs on my head are numbered. Seperator of my sins as far as the east from the west. Engulfed by the one who loves me best.
I have no justification for the latter love I speak of; a most treasured gift o’ grace.
This grace allows me to keep my love for my first love, FIRST.
You see there is no dichotomy when I abide in thee. When I make my resting place your bosom, I find my heart no longer at war, but rather at peace.
For I realize that there is no love greater than yours, but that you also made space for a courageous heart to walk WITH me in this race.
And while I long to meet him, I am reminded that I can love him most fully when I love you most fully.
Thank you for allowing my heart to make room for another love. To fill a desire given by You from above.
As the two of you share space, I promise to give you first dibs. I love you my forever Bride King Jesus and my future husband to be.
All throughout this journey with Jesus, we must honestly ask ourselves whether or not our desire for _________________ is greater than our desire for Jesus. Thirst is normal (naturally and metaphorically), but how it is filled makes all the difference. May Christ be the first to meet our deep need and longing for love and every other desire pale in comparison.
“O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you;
my flesh faints for you,
as in a dry and weary land where there is no water.” – Psalm 63:1