Most of my birthdays begin with reflection and today was no different. Four decades of life…hard to believe. I often feared not living beyond 34 years of life (age my father died). Today I decided to list forty feelings I have as I enter my fortieth year of life. Here’s to the feels.
I FEEL…
- Alive
- Grateful
- Challenged
- Fulfilled
- Hopeful
- Joyful
- Fit
- Whole
- Surprised
- Unfulfilled
- Sadness
- Loved
- Foolish
- Known
- Satisfied
- Beautiful
- Longing
- Light
- Free
- Courageous
- Connected
- Peace
- Jaded
- Anger
- Content
- Accepted
- Human
- Tired
- Unknown
- Alone
- Purposeful
- Deep Loss
- Enjoyed
- Experienced
- Misunderstood
- Feeble
- Strong
- Unseen
- Human
- Barren
I don’t always feel capable. I don’t always feel strong. I don’t always feel loved. I don’t always feel known. Today, I am thankful to be in a place where these feelings can safely reside in me to remind me of my humanity and desperate need for God. No longer ignoring heart ache to search for heart joy, but rather embracing both as a sign that I am fully alive.
Forty feels simultaneously amazing and complex. This is not how I thought forty would look and I’m okay with that. I really am okay with all of that.
Precious Predilections 
The transparency you share allows us all to know that we are all human and we can all possess multiple feelings that may not always match. I appreciate knowing I’m not alone with that and even more inspired to see how much broader my list will grow as my years come.
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