Forty feels @ Forty

Most of my birthdays begin with reflection and today was no different. Four decades of life…hard to believe. I often feared not living beyond 34 years of life (age my father died). Today I decided to list forty feelings I have as I enter my fortieth year of life. Here’s to the feels.

I FEEL…

  1. Alive
  2. Grateful
  3. Challenged
  4. Fulfilled
  5. Hopeful
  6. Joyful
  7. Fit
  8. Whole
  9. Surprised
  10. Unfulfilled
  11. Sadness
  12. Loved
  13. Foolish
  14. Known
  15. Satisfied
  16. Beautiful
  17. Longing
  18. Light
  19. Free
  20. Courageous
  21. Connected
  22. Peace
  23. Jaded
  24. Anger
  25. Content
  26. Accepted
  27. Human
  28. Tired
  29. Unknown
  30. Alone
  31. Purposeful
  32. Deep Loss
  33. Enjoyed
  34. Experienced
  35. Misunderstood
  36. Feeble
  37. Strong
  38. Unseen
  39. Human
  40. Barren

I don’t always feel capable. I don’t always feel strong. I don’t always feel loved. I don’t always feel known. Today, I am thankful to be in a place where these feelings can safely reside in me to remind me of my humanity and desperate need for God. No longer ignoring heart ache to search for heart joy, but rather embracing both as a sign that I am fully alive.

Forty feels simultaneously amazing and complex. This is not how I thought forty would look and I’m okay with that. I really am okay with all of that.

1 comment

  1. The transparency you share allows us all to know that we are all human and we can all possess multiple feelings that may not always match. I appreciate knowing I’m not alone with that and even more inspired to see how much broader my list will grow as my years come.

    Liked by 1 person

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