Precious Predilections

Tag: Lament

  • When privilege speaks

    When privilege speaks

    WE ARE HERE AGAIN. Another #unarmed Black man murdered under the guise of a citizen’s arrest. #AhmaudArbery and #SeanReed are the latest trending hashtags attempting to shine light on injustice. This time my anger feels different. I’m enraged. Maybe it’s because we’re here again. It’s more likely because I know that my voice is not enough. My pain will linger; longer than I want. Seventy-four days after Ahmaud’s murder, the two white men were arrested. Seventy-four. However, when [white] privilege spoke, with 36 hours of public outcry, the process of justice was initiated. Thirty six hours vs. seventy four days. Sinking in… A deeper sense of sadness is ever present as I also realize that I am not as free as I once believed. This makes me jealous of the freedom that [white] privilege provides.

    silence is harmful

    When privilege is silent, unjust systems reflect sizeable inequities and marginalized people live with the pain. The Black people of Brunswick, GA were speaking about this injustice immediately and yet no arrests were made. Privilege protected. Privilege remained silent. The passivity of leaders who embolden white supremacy and the oppression of the marginalized has sickened me once again. It’s sickening because America still clearly hears a predominant voice before all others; that of the white American.

    I’m learning that many people of privilege are afraid that their words may fail them in times like these so they fail to speak, call, text, or listen. They fail us. Once again privilege exhalts itself rather than those on the margins. It chooses comfort. Once again white fragility wins. Once again I (and other people of color) are expected to single handedly bear the burden of racial injustice and love an America that repeatedly ignores the implications of its sin. America has not love Black people well. America has not loved people of color well.

    A new lament has surfaced in addition to black bodies being devalued – the power privilege is grossly underestimated. When people of privilege in every sector and class joined their voices with those on the margins chanting “I #RunWithMaud,” things changed. If you love me. If you love God. If you love your neighbor. Pull up. Stop making excuses for standing with the other. Now is the time to use your voice in a public manner. Let your privilege shine in a way that brings glory to God, elevates the voice/stories of people of color, and fights for equitable systems. Bree Newsome and James Tyson project a model of what it looks like for white allies to allow their lament to move them to action. Bree Newsome was not alone the day she scaled a pole and took the Confederate flag down in an act of protest following the massacre of the Charleston 9. James Tyson, a white activist, was literally her foundation of support to help her begin her climb. They were both arrested that day. As my friend’s husband, Nii Ato, processed his grief regarding #ahmaudarbery, he stated that we don’t just need allies at this time…we need accomplices. I couldn’t agree more. Ask yourself, what skin do you have in the game? As a Black woman, my skin color forces me into the game whether fatigued, injured, or down right helpless. I could use your help. Truth is, America has never really listened to the Black voice alone.

    “Black America needs to see that white people are willing to step up and put some skin in the game.”

    James Tyson, Charlotteobserver.com

    longing for freedom

    I’m grateful that so many of my white friends and others of privilege responded so swiftly and publicly to Ahmaud’s murder. If I’m honest, I have been wondering why. Was this bandwagon behavior or “hashtag activism”? Have my friends changed their perspective due to proximity to the poor? Have their friendships changed and become more diverse? Did this experience produce a different level of empathy because #neighborhoodsowhite? I know how much my friends value running and the freedom it provides. I’m jealous of the freedom with which my white friends are able to go for a run or a walk without worry. I’ve never felt that free. I’m always worried when I walk or go for a bike ride alone. Always. I’m jealous that they don’t know what it’s like to experience to have someone view your physical body as a threat. As criminal.

    I imagine white people could envision themselves “running” in the Brunswick neighborhood just as Ahmaud was running. I imagine they could empathize with the initial feeling of joy and ease Ahmaud had they day as he began his run. I imagine that for the first time, they could put themselves in the unarmed victim’s shoes. This Black man was “just running.” He was not in a Black neighborhood. He was not selling cigarretes. He was doing something that people of privilege do. There were less calls for Ahmaud to justify his humanity. For the first time, the hashtag is one of solidarity. I.run.WITH.Ahmaud. It is not just his name. What a powerful lesson empathy teaches here. Empathy makes us incapable of apathy and illuminates our humanity. When we can see ourselves, we can see the other. It’s been said several times on social media that authorities only responded because “we” saw the video. The public has seen many videos of unarmed Black people being shot and they didn’t speak out. I believe differently.

    Privilege didn’t speak out because it saw the video. It spoke out because it could see itself in the video. #RunWithMaud

    Precious Jones

    I hope the Black community gains more accomplices to justice than allies. More people willing to pray AND act. Friends of [white] privilege, I dare you to live truly unafraid because some of us will never be able to do so. America still listens and responds to you.

    May our lament leave us with bruised knees and lift us up from that position into courtrooms, classrooms, and boardrooms where we use our voices to cry out.

  • Fresh out of Explanations

    Fresh out of Explanations

    “Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.”  – James Baldwin

    What an emotionally exhausting few weeks.  A time to lament the grave injustice of our “just-us” system in America.  It seems that justice is illusive for some and not others.

    Since hearing that officer Jeronimo Yanez was found not guilty and officer Ray Tensing’s trial resulted in another hung jury, my mind has not stopped racing with the myriad of thoughts about what’s continually communicated to people of color, in particular, Black men in America.

    Before I lament, I want to outline a few interesting facts about Philando Castile should give us pause as to whether or not he was being racially profiled.  #JustFacts. #Receipts.

    • Philando had been stopped by the police more time than the number of years he was alive.  He was pulled over 46 times prior to the last stop of his life at the age of 32.
    • Of the 47 times Philando was pulled over by police, only 6 of those stops were things that were observable from a police car – broken muffler or speeding.

    Here’s a little history of how much Philando had experienced being pulled over by the police prior to July 6, 2016: The Driving Life and Death of Philando Castile on NPR.

    The following excerpt from the NPR article gives an account of officer Yanez’s exchange with dispatch…

    Castile’s girlfriend, who was in the car, said it was because of a broken taillight. But in scanner traffic audio obtained this week by Minnesota Public Radio, a nonchalant officer, yet to be confirmed as Jeronimo Yanez, told dispatchers a different story.

    “Two occupants just look like people who were involved in a robbery,” he said. “The driver looks more like one of our suspects, just because of the wide-set nose.”

    Gloria Hatchett, an attorney for the Castile family, said that’s racial profiling.

    “How do you say, ‘There’s a robbery suspect with a broad nose, African-American?’ ” she said. “That’s equivalent to saying there’s a white woman with blond hair.”

    What happened next is unclear. Was Castile just reaching for his ID, or was he reaching for his gun?

    What we know is that Yanez fired his weapon.

    What we know is that throughout his life, Castile was stopped by police at least 46 times before that moment.

    If there was anyone familiar with the routine and perils of a traffic stop, it was Philando Castile.

    The July 6 stop was his last.

    Most know how this story ends; it’s practically predictable.  Police Officer shoots un-armed black male.  Police Officer is acquitted.  I needed space to lament and articulate the emotional distress I am feeling.  To name the ache in my heart.

    I lament that the life of a black male in America still hinges upon a white male’s determination of value.

    I lament that the humanity of black men is repeatedly stripped away when the “cause for shooting them” is because they are seen as violent, aggressive threats by default.

    I lament that I have friends who don’t see the err of today’s criminal justice system.

    I lament that black men can comply with police officers and still die.

    I lament that the trauma both Diamond and her daughter faced is deeply etched into their memories.  No 4 year old should have to console her mother for fear that she too will be shot by police.

    I lament that I am often asked to explain why an officer’s perceived fear does not make a black male worthy of death.

    explanation

    We use a subjective law (Stand Your Ground) to determine substantive matters (life and death).

    If you desire more explanations to ascribe value to the life of black men who are as much an image bearer of God as the men who shot them; miss me with that conversation.  I’m not having that convo today.  Probably not tomorrow. Probably not for a minute.  We have to change the starting line of this conversation.  Here me clearly.  I am fresh out of explanations if imago dei is not your starting point.

    In fact, it may be time for someone to explain to me why police officers are using body cameras if they seem to be of little benefit for the citizens?  Maybe, someone should explain to me why no one’s discussing the correlation of implicit bias and police shootings.   It’s a thing.  A very real thing.

    Isn’t it time to stop demanding an explanation and start acknowledging that the undercurrent of implicit bias has turned into a tidal wave?  This slow and silent killer is destroying families, disrupting communities, and traumatizing people of color daily.

    Isaiah 58

  • Absent Affirmations of my Father

    Absent Affirmations of my Father

    Father’s day is near and this year I don’t feel prepared to lament the indefinite absence of my father’s presence once again.   As if there ever was a preparation substantial enough to carry the weight that my father is no longer alive. It’s been almost 22 years and I never feel prepared to think about it or actively acknowledge it because it hurts.  But at times, even in this reality of loss, I feel hope.  Well, this year, I REALLY feel my father’s absence; not only in the lack of his physical presence, but more so in the lack of his words.

    “Words have a longevity we don’t. ” – Paul Kalanithi

    A friend of mine recently blogged about the fear of losing dear memories of her daddy after he passed away.  As I read that blog and thought more about my own father, I began to wonder what I should do if I have no memory of my father affirming me. Not one.  No “I love you’s” to recount.  No memories of his laugh.  I can see evidence of his smile embedded within mine when I look at old photos of him.  And I have been generously endowed with his nose structure.  Thanks dad! 👌🏾

    20170606_001225

    I have friends that have come to understand how deeply I value words of affirmation.  It is my top love language.  This precious value on words has moved beyond appeasement of personality. It beckons my heart to behold the power of legacy.  Words absolutely have a longevity that our frail bodies do not. Our physical bodies fade, but our words, can lift the soul again and again.  And for the daughter or son who may have lost a parent, this lifting of the soul is treasured.  And needed.

    I previously believed that it was enough to simply know of my father’s love, but somehow my heart demands more than just intellectual ascent.  Because love that is only known intellectually, feels like no love at all.  The heart fails to really connect to such love.  Ask the orphan.  Ask the estranged family member.  Ask me.  There are days, weeks, where I long to hear my father’s voice.  I long to hear him say I love you.  In full candor, I thought that I would mature past this longing as an adult.  Now, I realize that maturation is a long, complex, process.  I recently heard that maturation comes when you are able to make difficult decisions even when you are still afraid.  In that case, my maturity is on the horizon.  I am afraid to love my father deeply and allow myself to long to know/understand a man that rejected me as a 2 year old; yet I persist in doing so, with knees knocking.  It has been easiest to move past Father’s Day in order to avoid experiencing the fear of immobilizing pain again.  In the past four years, I haven’t been able to simply move on. I am thankful for this emotional awakening.   There must be an unseen beauty in the process of loving those who’ve left searing emotional scars.  A beauty only unveiled as we chose to love.

    For some, our journey of love will bear more scars than others.

    Parents, whether via birth or adoption, foster or legal guardian, please make space to affirm your children.  Your words are most formative.  If the painful memory of my father serve’s no other purpose than to espouse the value of affirming children in word and in speech while you are still present, then at least there is some purpose in this pain.

    Shout out to my father with the “BluBlockers” in the featured pic of this blog.  I love you mane.  I miss you.  Happy Father’s Day.  I’ve heard you were a proud father and I will have to believe the account of those that knew you.  – Your daughter

    “I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all of my fears.”

    Psalms 34:4